"As long these toys support our daughter's exploration and learning journey, then we should be just fine."
Words by UNA KAPUNAN
Breaking the Barriers
Breaking the Barriers
Girls' toys are pink and frilly, embezzled in glitter. Boys' toys are blue and bulky—action figures and cyborgs, machinery and dinosaurs.
When we were little girls, we, at one point, found ourselves in a shared, almost-universal experience: At the toy store, clutching onto our parents' hands as we scan the aisles for something we could bring home with us: A teddy bear. A dollhouse. The latest Barbie doll, or perhaps a hands-on arts and crafts kit with the sparkly decals on the packaging.
But then, when we least expect it, we find something else that catches our eye: a model robot clad in high-end gadgetry. A building block set in bold, solid colors like blue, gray, and forest green. A race car track. A state-of-the-art toy train set. An action figure.
"I want that one, please." We tell Mom or Dad.
And then, in a fashion typical of that era, they would gently chide:
"We can't get that, sweetheart." They'll say with a pat on our shoulder. "That's for boys."
Gender roles have long been prevalent not just in conservative countries like the Philippines, but around the world as well: societal standards that dictate what girls and women ought and ought not to do.
We should act prim and proper at all times, immerse ourselves in household activities like cooking and cleaning. Embroidery. Baking. Gardening. Growing up, we're expected to play only with dolls and stuffed animals, or spend time immersed in shimmery coloring books and fairytales.
No robots. No train sets. No race car tracks. No action figures.
But as the years have passed by, little by little, we began to see a shift: A shift towards breaking the old-fashioned barriers that people have long known about gender roles. After all, why limit ourselves to just frills and glitter when we can put on tattered overalls and sneakers, and play with LEGO, robots, and NERF guns?
These days, people are starting to teach little girls that as long as they aren't hurting anybody, they're free to choose and act the way they want if it brings them happiness; whether it's in the toys they choose to play with, down to the life or path they want to pursue.
Supermom Danica Cristobal is one of the many mothers today that encourages gender-neutral play in children. "When we shop for toys, we just let her choose what interests her, regardless if the toys are made for girls or boys," she says about her daughter, Larissa. "It was actually just recently that she learned about dolls. But we've been exposing her to cars, animal toys, balls, water guns and the like. As long as she's enjoying herself and she's learning, that's what matters to us."
Ever since Larissa was a baby, we have been introducing her to gender-neutral toys; open-ended ones that just introduce a sense of play to her.
"She's more curious about how a toy works, rather than the gender assigned to the toy."
When asked about her daughter's preference for toys, Danica also had this to say:
"At her age, she's more curious about how a toy works rather than the gender assigned to the toy. All she knows is that toys are for everyone. For other modes of play like watching TV, some of her most liked shows and videos are kids playing with toys that are for both girls and boys," she says. "We've recently introduced her to more gender-neutral toys as well: Like slimes, clay, and Kinetic Sand. She could play with them for thirty minutes straight!
"I would say regardless of the type of toy, Larissa knows how to enjoy with what's given to her. They don't necessarily need to be 'for girls.'"
"We would like to carefully guide Larissa and teach her that, despite today's current barriers, men and women are not so fundamentally different; that these two genders and sexes work better together." Danica says when asked about her beliefs when it comes to gender roles. "We want to keep teaching our daughter that there are no set rules as to which toys are for boys and for girls—she can play with whatever she wants, and no one in the society can dictate that. As long these toys support her exploration and learning journey, then we should be just fine."
As time passes, more little girls are aspiring to become engineers, scientists, and even race car drivers—careers that are usually associated with boys and men. "If Larissa were to pursue one of these careers," Danica muses, "We would definitely support her all the way. Children learn by example, so ideally, we'd like her to be raised by open-minded parents. This way, she can be as understandable and acceptable towards others, and as she grows, she'll be more willing and capable of doing things she wants—achieving her passions without hesitations.
"We definitely won't limit her as to what she can only do 'as a girl,'"she continues, "Or teach her harmful, gender-biased assumptions like 'boys should never cry.' We want to teach her to be compassionate and kind, the sort of person who knows how to respect other people. At the end of the day, that's what's important."
"We want to teach her to be compassionate and kind—the sort of person who knows how to respect other people. At the end of the day, that's what's important."
Still, even in this day and age, raising a child with these values may be difficult, especially considering those whose beliefs are a little different.
"There will always be pros and cons in every decision and parenting style that each family has," Danica says. "People will say things—it's bound to happen, especially because older generations grew up in a culture that dictates what a girl or a boy can or cannot do.
"In times like these, just remember where your heart is. If someone judges your child because of their choice of toys, always be there to communicate; Girls playing with boys toys and boys playing with girls toys is perfectly okay, especially since it doesn't hurt anybody. Remind your child that they aren't doing anything wrong."
"Do you have a message for other moms out there who want to try and 'break the barriers' as well?" our team asks Danica.
"Always remember that the good that we're doing foroour kids today will reflect on what kind of people the next generation is going to become. For me, the kids who grow up with such an upbringing will make the world a better and diverse place—one filled with love and understanding."
Photographer: Oliver Tam
Creative Director: Una Kapunan
Art Director: Una Kapunan and Miggy Crisostomo
Producer: Una Kapunan and Elaine Contreras
Model: Larissa Reyes
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